Book Surgeon No. 9

To a similar tune as last week, death is also a key player of this week’s book–The In-Between by Hadley Vlahos. Hadley, a hospice nurse, starts the book by defining her work: “hospice care occurs when people have been medically deemed to be near the end of life, and choose to stop treatment in a hospital or medical setting and, instead, spend those final days, weeks, or months in the comfort of their home, surrounded by loved ones.” Tangentially, reading this book reminded me of a book with similar end-of-life care themes, Being Mortal by journalist and surgeon Atul Gawande. These books emphasize that endless medical care is not the solution for every patient, and understanding the individual needs of each patient is of utmost importance. On a personal note, the more I have read about death, the less scary or mysterious it has become, which has had a tremendous influence on how I choose to live each day that I am blessed with. Many of you will be familiar with the movie Dead Poets Society, which also emphasizes the importance of taking advantage of the present moment, captured in the famous phrase of “carpe diem,” or “seize the day.” When I watched this film for the first time, which was in my eleventh grade English class, I also learned about a similar phrase, “memento mori,” which means “remember you must die.” This phrase has come up in a variety of classes since then and has greatly influenced my outlook on life, the present, and the future. 

Memento mori is a beautiful and grounding phrase that can remind us of what is important in our lives. Our time on this Earth is limited, and we cannot take anything we acquire during this time to our graves. As of now, we do not have a way to stop time, aging, or death. Time will pass, whether we want it to or not. The passing of time is not in our control, so there is no point in worrying about it. The only thing we can do is focus on what we are doing right now by appreciating and taking full advantage of the gift of the present moment–carpe diem. One of the most beautiful things about seizing one’s day is that it is not generalizable advice: everyone must discover what it means for them to seize their own day. For some, this will mean a passionate pursuit of one’s work or sport. Others will rather choose to slow down, to enjoy the sun on the beach or reading a favorite book in the park. Further yet, some will seize their day not through a particular activity, but rather through the people they are surrounded by. There is no proper or best way to seize the day, and consequently, we should not judge anyone else for their own interpretation of carpe diem. The only thing that matters is that we do our best to discover what components of our life are most important to us, so we can better guide the decisions we make in the present moment. 

In-Between is a wonderful read because it offers a truly unique perspective of the immediate moments before death, where individuals are often most reflective about their lives and have so much knowledge to share with others. Throughout the book, Hadley illustrates several of her experiences with her hospice patients, which offers us the opportunity to learn from their perspective at an earlier point in our own personal life timeline. One of the main reminders of this book is to always “live for today, not the fears of tomorrow.” There are a bazillion things that can hurt or kill us at any point in our lives, and living in constant fear or avoidance of future pain is incredibly debilitating. If we avoided all relationships knowing they will eventually end, whether it be because of death, circumstances, or distance, then we would be lonely and would starve ourselves of our fundamental need for human connection. If we never entered a car because of the risk of a crash, we would have a pretty limited physical radius of living. Similar to much in life, there is a balance to be found between understanding the risks we take each day and still living a meaningful life by taking these risks and enjoying the things that make us happy. One of Hadley’s most influential patients, Elizabeth, tells Hadley, “‘I think I wasted a lot of my life on the treadmill … I wish I would have spent more time with my loved ones. I wish I’d just eaten the damn cake.” Ideally, we want to be healthy enough to be able to do the things that make us happy, but being healthy alone does not define a good life and will definitely not protect us from everything that can possibly kill us. In turn, we should be aware when we are excessively sacrificing our present happiness for future returns, so our choices become more salient and we can better ponder if these choices are in line with the life we hope to be living. 

Thanks for reading! See you next week!