Book Surgeon No. 13

In The Book of Joy, author Douglas Abrams, 14th Dalia Lama, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu come together to discuss how we can find joy and strive to free ourselves of unnecessary stress, sadness, and suffering. In writing this book, Douglas Abrams asks the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop, both of whom are Nobel Peace Prize recipients, key questions about the nature of joy and how to manifest its existence in our lives. Through their funny and insightful discussions, they outline eight pillars of joy: perspective, humility, humor, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity. 

At the heart of each of these pillars is the insight that we are all inextricably linked as humans. We are all organisms of the same species on a tiny planet in our vast universe. Mentally constructed barriers and self-centered thinking are main sources of much of our suffering: “so much of our stress is dependent on seeing ourselves as separate from others, which perhaps returns to the loss of our sense of communal connection.” In turn, in order to be truly happy, we must understand that we are all one; we are each connected to every other human on this planet, and thus, the best way to help ourselves is to help others. 

The Dalai Lama illustrates how he used to experience stress and anxiety as he gave teachings to large audiences; however, his fear was greatly diminished when he realized that everyone in the audience was “just like [him], same human being. If we think we are something special or not special enough, then fear, nervousness, stress, and anxiety arise. We are the same.” Now, the Dalai Lama always views himself as an equal to everyone he encounters in spite of his tremendous popularity and fame, which helps him find joy through humility as well. Specifically, he says, “‘when I meet someone … I always try to relate to the person on the basic human level. On that level, I know that, just like me, he or she wishes to find happiness, to have fewer problems and less difficulty in their life. Whether I am speaking with one person, or whether I am giving a talk to a large group of people, I always see myself first and foremost as just another fellow human … [and when] I see myself primarily in terms of myself as a fellow human, I will then have more than seven billion people who I can feel deep connection with. And this is wonderful, isn’t it? What do you need or fear or worry about when you have seven billion other people who are with you?’” 

Understanding the unity of humanity is a fundamental tenet of The Book of Joy, and viewing ourselves as just a fellow human being allows us to achieve joy through each of the eight pillars put forth in the book. As the Dalai Lama says, everyone has the same fundamental goal on this planet: to find happiness and to limit pain and suffering. To me, this is such a powerful message. The world around us can be stressful and scary, and the future is always unknown. However, we are all in the same boat, navigating the uncertainty of the world around us together. The ability to trust and lean on others makes our own journey so much more meaningful and enjoyable. Life is hard enough. If we all have the same principle goals, what is the point of enacting barriers, becoming angry at others, and fighting over trivial or artificial matters? We are all on the same team. When we understand that everyone around us has the same goal as us and is simply trying to navigate the world to the best of their ability, we can truly begin to see others as teammates. And just as in any sport, when we help a teammate, we are ultimately helping ourselves.

Another key benefit of understanding our mutual camaraderie with those around us is the resulting insight that we are never alone. When we view others as our teammates, it is immensely easier to talk to the people around us, build new connections, and strengthen existing ones. As the Dalai Lama asserts, “‘we are same human beings … no need for introduction. Same human face, when we see one another we immediately know this is a human brother or sister. Whether you know them or not, you can smile and say hello.’” With this knowledge, we should have no fear of initiating a conversation with others and will feel more connected to the people around us than ever before, which will have profound and lasting effects on our happiness. We can finally see that we are never alone. 

The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu are two of the most peaceful, insightful, and accomplished individuals on the planet. As a result of their age and immense experience, they have so much knowledge and perspective to share with others. It was a blessing being able to learn from them through this book, and I would highly recommend this book to anyone, since we are all fundamentally just trying to find joy on this Earth. Just as with any book, your own experiences will interact with the contents of the book to create unique and lasting takeaways. Nonetheless, some of my key takeaways from the book are to always be compassionate and generous, to prioritize our relationships, to stay humble, to laugh, and to practice continuous gratitude.

Share with others if you enjoy! Thanks for reading and see you next week!