Book Surgeon No. 16

Today, I want to talk about risk taking and social connection, which are two main themes in Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. A therapist herself, Lori writes of experiences both receiving and providing treatment, allowing us to see how therapy is a two-way street between therapist and patient. One of Lori’s key takeaways from her time with years of patients and her own time in therapy is that “we grow in connection with others.” The people in our lives are the most important pieces of our life. Possessions come and go. Houses are built. Houses are demolished. Cars break down and are replaced. Many of the things in our life that we see as a necessity are temporary and easily replaced. The relationships in our life are not. Whether someone in our lives moves away, gets a new job, starts a family, or passes away, they will always remain in our lives. The memories we build with people and others’ role in shaping our lives never go away: the actions we take today are inextricably linked to how we have been impacted by others. In other words, Lori writes, “relationships in life don’t really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you’ve been close to lives on somewhere inside you … [they] evoke memories, conscious or not. Often they inform how you relate to yourself and others.”

As I write this, I am back on my college campus in the midst of commencement week. I have spent the last week doing nothing more than enjoying the presence and company of my closest friends. During this major transitional period in my life, I have been thinking about the parts of my life that are most important in my life, and the more I think about it, the more obvious the answer becomes: friends and family. The people in my life are what defines my life. They provide love, camaraderie, laughter, trust, learning, purpose, and meaning. They hold me accountable and help me grow. They give me a reason to work hard and be selfless. They provide me both with immediate joy as well as long-term feelings of contentment and satisfaction. Every day I spend with my friends helps me understand how they have my back, helping me feel safer in this chaotic and unpredictable world. I truly cannot express my gratitude for the people in my life, whether I see them every day or only encountered them once. As families arrive from all over the world to sit through 85 degree weather and 6 hour ceremonies to support my friends and I, I am constantly amazed and reminded about what we will do for one another.

Just as other people play a critical role in our lives, we can and do the same for others. Yet sometimes, this requires a certain degree of risk and trust. Lori writes of a biblical saying that “translates roughly as ‘First you will do, then you will understand.’ Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and experience something before its meaning becomes apparent.” As we have talked about before, nothing in life is guaranteed. There is no undeniable outcome. We do not know how long we have on this planet. Rather than running from uncertainty, we have to embrace it. Often, the most transformative experiences in our lives come from the risks we take. In my own life, moving from the West Coast to the East Coast for college was one of the biggest risks I had taken thus far, and while it has undeniably come with its own challenges, I cannot think of any single experience that has had a greater impact on my life. I met friends for life. I learned to live independently. I learned more about my values and the kind of career I hope to pursue. I learned how to be vulnerable and grow. Not all risks will work out how we expect, but I truly believe every experience of our life, positive or negative, provides an opportunity to learn. Thus, talk to people. Take a risk. When you truly look around, the amazing things we do for one another becomes increasingly apparent, and we can begin to appreciate the payout of the risks we have taken throughout our lives. 

Share with others if you enjoy! Thanks for reading and see you next week!