Book Surgeon No. 23

Perhaps I was drawn to Baek Sehee’s memoir because of its catchy title: I Want to Die but I want to Eat Tteokbokki. I did not have many expectations for this book, but it still surprised me. The book is essentially a transcript of Sehee’s conversations with her psychiatrist in South Korea interspersed with short written explorations by the author. The book was unique in its openness to discussing mental health challenges, which are still heavily stigmatized in most places of the world. Through these transcripts, we are put into Sehee’s shoes as she hopes to overcome the challenges of dysthymia, or persistent depressive disorder. And with this new perspective to consider, we can learn more about our own lives and what contributes to a satisfying life–improving our relationships along the way.

A major challenge that Sehee struggles with is her tendency to view the world in extremes, which is very seldom truly the case in life. Most situations we encounter are complicated and not simply black-or-white. For example, failure is a double-edged sword. It can be extremely painful and difficult to overcome, but it is also arguably a necessary component for success. Additionally, with people, we hardly ever truly hate someone or admire every aspect of one’s life. At dinner recently, we were discussing how several of the world’s richest and most successful individuals do not live perfect lives. Many are divorced and overworked, for instance. Thus, if we consider someone’s whole life, we begin to realize that we are all on a similar boat navigating the uncertainties of life. There are many aspects of our existence that are invisible to the outside world, so it is important that we avoid judging people by only what is perceptible to the public. We have to practice viewing people holistically. As Sehee’s psychiatrist says, “just because you like one thing about a person, you don’t need to like everything about them. And just because you don’t like one thing about a person, it doesn’t mean the person as a whole isn’t worth your time.” When we are angry at someone, it can be helpful to take a step back and consider some of the other angles of their life, which can help us better understand their actions and can control our anger.

Another key takeaway from this book is the prevalence and impact of mental health challenges for many people. Whether it is enough for a diagnosis or not, many people go through mental difficulties at some point in their lives, whether it be because of grief, social anxiety, trauma, etc., and most people do not publish books about their vulnerabilities–or even talk about it at all. Thus, we have to always remind ourselves that everyone is going through their own struggles, even if we are not directly told. If someone lashes out at you, it may be because they are stressed at work, or got yelled at themselves. In my experience, it is very rare that someone is out to make your life worse purely out of malicious intent. As Sehee says, “human beings are three-dimensional … Everyone has multiple sides to them, happiness and unhappiness coexist, and everything is relative.” When we remember that a person is not defined by a single action, just like we would not want to be defined by a single mistake of ours, we can live in closer harmony to the people around us. We can learn to forgive easier, which will strengthen our relationships and allow us to build new ones. And at the end of the day, our relationships with others are arguably the most important things in our lives, so do not take them for granted or throw them away at the first sign of difficulty. In turn, always strive to sacrifice for others and improve others’ lives, which will dramatically improve your own life.

Share with others if you enjoy! Thanks for reading and see you next week!