Book Surgeon No. 24

Last week, I spoke briefly about the importance of intentionality in our lives, which is also a major theme in this week’s book–Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life by Nir Eyal. As Eyal writes, “instead of starting with what we’re going to do, we should begin with why we’re going to do it. And to do that, we must begin with our values … A value is like a guiding star; it’s the fixed point we use to help us navigate our choices.” If we do not know who we want to be, how can we be expected to take action to be the person we want to be? Without a goal as our light, we will find ourselves just walking in circles in the dark. When we take time for introspection, we learn to strike a balance that works for us between our life’s three key domains: work, relationships, and our self. Not everyone will have the same balance because not everyone has the same values and priorities, which is a matter of individual preference. Yet, by learning about our own preferences, we are better equipped to build a schedule that is more closely aligned to our priorities. 

As we clarify our values, the next critical step is to build a set schedule for us to follow, and it is important for us to stick with this schedule. However, just like any learning process, this schedule can adjust week to week as we continuously learn and evolve. Additionally, it is important to carve out time for everything we want to do, including rest, seeing friends, work, or working out, without judging our choices. As Eyal writes, “it doesn’t so much matter what you do with your time; rather, success is measured by whether you did what you planned to do. It’s fine to watch a video, scroll social media, daydream, or take a nap, as long as that’s what you planned to do. Alternatively, checking work email, a seemingly productive task, is a distraction if it’s done when you intended to spend time with your family or work on a presentation. Keeping a timeboxed schedule is the only way to know if you’re distracted. If you’re not spending your time doing what you’d planned, you’re off track.” When we build consciousness and intentionality into our decision making process, we use more of the resources of our prefrontal cortex, which gives us more autonomy and control over the direction of our lives.

Once we know what we hope to do at any point in our day, it becomes clear what is a distraction and what is not a distraction. For instance, if we set aside time to rest, by reading a book or watching TikTok, then responding to a work notification is a distraction since it draws us away from what we planned to do. Alternatively, if we planned time for working, a social media notification becomes a distraction, a common scenario for many of us. One strategy that has worked for me is to keep my phone in another room when I want to stay focused. When I keep my phone next to me as I work, even if it is face down, I find myself instinctively picking it up whenever I start to feel any hint of being tired or bored. Yet, when I cannot see my phone, I hardly think about it, which helps keep my mental energy directed at the task at hand. Ultimately, our phones are a very powerful tool and can be incredibly fruitful if used properly with intention, even if it is to rest and recharge.

Distractions have always existed–and will always exist–so managing them is our responsibility. And to do so, we have to learn to be honest, both to others and to ourselves. Eyal writes, “being indistractable means striving to do what you say you will do. Indistractable people are as honest with themselves as they are with others.” One method for managing distractions that Eyal applies to his own life is the ten-minute rule: “If I find myself wanting to check my phone as a pacification device when I can’t think of anything better to do, I tell myself it’s fine to give in, but not right now. I have to wait just ten minutes … This rule allows time to do what some behavioral psychologists call ‘surfing the urge.’ When an urge takes hold, noticing the sensations and riding them like a wave–neither pushing them away nor acting on them–helps us cope until the feelings subside.” This strategy is particularly effective because it focuses our attention on the internal trigger that is pushing us to seek comfort from a distraction. Are we bored? Are we nervous? By becoming aware of our psychological discomfort, no matter how small, we can take action to ease this discomfort, or even just let it pass, rather than automatically seeking distraction to ease our discomfort in the short-run. Once again, awareness and intentionality are critical for taking control of our lives. Without an awareness of what drives our behavior, any attempt to change our behavior for the better will be helpless from the beginning. Thus, as we have discussed before, one of the best things we can do for our lives is to simply pay more attention to ourselves and to the world around us, which will help us discover our desires and the role we want in the world around us.

Share with others if you enjoy! Thanks for reading and see you next week!